“Beau Tenebres”

The words Canvas

 

Once touched,
Fingers barely brushed,
The essence
To be loved,

Reaching, un seemingly far,
Your face
Imbroided in satin lace,
Still tasting the smokiness
As we sat in the car,

Giving into trepidation,
Obscurity closing,
Arms reaching,
Barely touching,

I close my eyes,
Holding the vagueness
Of your beau face,
trembling the salty
Drops I taste,

♬unpluckable flower of the moon ♬
♬this inseparable longing ♬

Enclosed in beau tenebres,
Beau tenebres,

Your demise,
pain no longer disguised,
Enfolded in bereavement,
My border line misery,
In coldness
Thine soul lies quivering,

Blue eyes turned grey,
In soil bed you lay,

♬unpluckable flower of the moon ♬
♬this inseparable longing ♬

Enclosed in beau tenebres
♬My Beau Tenebres ♬

{beautiful darkness}
A Poem written by;
Bernadette Du Toit ©

a new year without you.

As I enter
A new year,
I feel so bleSsed
To have known
Someone who
touched everyone,

everywhere,
Your smile,
Wise words,
Loving hugs,
Your preSsence
Filled a room,
Your joyish
Sunfilled laughter,
Soothed my heart,

Now a new year,
Is about to start,
I feel the emptiness,
A life without you,
a year without mom’s,
New year wishes,

No text to say,
“I love you”
No call to say,
“I care”
As I rumble,
Through memories,

I find the beauty,
You left,
The love you shared,
My arms are empty,
My heart is aching,

This lonely aching,
I bear,
In darkness,
Your memory,
Is my light,
Your face
Imprinted
Deep, deep,
In my soul,

forever shall
I miss you,
As you sit above,
Watching, guiding,
Every Christmas,
Every new year,
Those small gifts
You gave,
When everything else,
Was falling down,

Mother,
A queen’s crown,
A guiding angel,
Now dressed in
Golden gown,

This new
Year I enter,
Without
You.

The words Canvas

Inoubliable mien

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*unforgettably mine*

Melliflously her
Memory touches me,
Images burned
In my broken heart,
Tearfully celebrating
Her resilient happiness,

With death her
Love did not depart,
Keeping floating
A montage of metaphors,
Always alive in
My heart,

Kindly kissing
My scraped knee,
Always happy to see,
My face filled with glee,

Oh mother,
How my heart longs for thee,

Frozen I still
Hear her laughter,
See her head thrown back,
Honest-happiness she did not lack,

This love she taught,
Through bloody war,
For our protection,
she fought,

This I feel,
This I seek,
Her memory,
Her smiling face,
A caring touch,
She meant so much,

Celebrate her motherly honor,
Celebrate her life-color,
Happy-peaceful-sad-feeling,

And I
Wait,
As the
Hurt is
Healing.

©

Vervalle

Teen gewese vrese,
Veg my sielswese,
In oë van,
Troebeling stuur,
Jou woede woorde,
My veg gees,
Weg oorval met,
Hartseer en pyn,

Wanneer my vrou wees,
Stukkend Lê,
En vriende met,
Duiwelse maskers,
Twee gesig,
Lek met honger tonge,

ek my gesig,
Verberg teen leuens,
My hart swaar,
En my donkerte,
smag NA lig,
Asseblief Vader,
Sê dis nie alles,
Net ñ klug,

Wanneer my,
Aangehegde sintuig,
Skanse ruik,
Skaduwees van,
Verskuilde waarheid,
Versteek agter
Prag pilare,

En ek U aanroep,
En U vra,
Om namens my te veg,
Vriendelike vyande,
Steel my sielslig,
Mag U arms,
My toevou,
My gees oplig en
Teen veilige afstand
Slapend neerlê,

Goue huweliks band,
Nou in dowwe toestand,
As U getrou,
Ons weer styf
Teen mekaar omvou,
Geseel met U liefde,
U sekerheid,

U genade,
Abba, abba,
Vader,
Ek in danks gebed,
Deur trane,
Dankbaar omhoog
Gooi my hande,

Dankbaar vir
ñ Man se liefde,
Sy onbeholpe,
Probeer verstaan,
Wanneer U sy skouer,
Breed genoeg maak,

En sy fluister gebede,
Deur
Werksure
Verhoor,

Wanneer my
Donker depressie,
Drieg om my geluk
Te verswelg,
U ingryp
En my Adam se
Swakhede wysig,

Wanneer my oë klappe,
Afval en ek,
ñ Sonnige dag,
Omlag,

Abba, Abba,
Vader,
Vervalle, verwese,
Gebroke, verlore,
Vry gekoop,
Deur U bloed
Bedrupte kruis,

U genade,
Abba, abba,
Vader,
Ek in danks gebed,
Deur trane,
Dankbaar omhoog
Gooi my hande.

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Amour Fàche.

Through conflagrant eyes,
And solicitous behavior,
Your love crazed heart reaches out,
Reaches out for love of
Yesterday,
A love your amour fàche wiped away,

A love once intimate, pure
Now fear filled and teary eyed,

Oblivious I was,
Naïve to believe,
Blind and would not see,
Your love grew into obsession,
Obsession into agression,

Amour fàche almost destroyed me…

Every part of my being bellowing for what will never be,
Once my footsteps where steps closer to you,
Now each step I take is further away from you,

Bien-aimé scorched into dust,
Amour fàche is all that’s left
That once
Was us.

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Gister se vensterbank

Deur grou,
Oggend dou,
Sit ek vasgeklou,
Op gister
Se vensterbank,

Klou kramptig vas,
Aan Venster rame,
Van onthou,
Staar ek
Leeg NA die
Son se oranje snoet,

Dubbel Lyne
Van my menswees,
lê misverstaan
Oral gespat teen
Gister se venster raam.

Gee my
Nog ñ goue
Oggend dou,
Nog ñ geel
Oggend straal,
Saam jou.

Goue stof drade,
Teken son towerstrale,
Vryf jammerlik
Oor my traan spore,
Al my gisters verlore,

Klou kramptig vas,
Aan Venster rame,
Van onthou,
Staar ek
Leeg NA die
Son se oranje snoet,

Druk kinderlik,
My Wang teen ñ stowwerige ruit,
Tewyl gister venster raam,
Skaamteloos,
Deur stof jou naam
Ophang.

Gee my
Nog ñ goue
Oggend dou,
Nog ñ geel
Oggend straal,
Saam jou.

Voeg my,
Verlore by,
Gister,
Want more is
Leeg…
Leeg..

Sonder jou,
Op gister
Se vensterbank,
Sit ek,
En ek,
Wag…

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Lovers Knot

Stepping side ways
On a broken
Side walk,
Holding pieces of a broken heart,

Images of innocents
Drifting away
On the winds
Of yesterday,

Ever growing
Strength
Lurking in
Hazel eyes,

Freedom fought
Freedom bought,
His love pushing
Pushing broken

Pieces back
Together,
His arms
Protectively
Guiding me,

Rising me
To new heights,
Showing me
A beautiful view,

Lovingly
Convincingly
He helps me believe,
believe in
Me.

Entwined
Two souls,
Entwined
Two hearts,

Knots
Of you
Fill
Spaces of me,

With loving
Ambience,
Soothing fears,
Your strength
Pulled me through,

Entwined
Two souls,
Entwined
Two hearts,

Out of
Ashes
Of burned
Dreams,

My hero
Has
Risen.

*for my husband*

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The Forgotten

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I look at the reflection in the mirror,
See what you’ve done,
My souls windows are empty…..cold,
To late for me to recall,
A girl now lost,
Standing at the edge of your lies,
Are you not hearing my painful cries?

All I had lost,
All I turned my back on,
All at what cost?
My wounded words,
Drift stranded in a sea of sugar coated bullshit,

Pretentiously hugging and calming,
Trying to sooth me with your lies,
Never mind me breaking,
Step on me some more,
Pain clawing strengthening my core,

All I was,
All I will be,
You betrayed,
Is there no end to the cruelty?
Pretending not to be guilty,

Small gifts of love,
While watching for something more,
prowling like a hungry lion,
Seducing and teasing,
Egotistically prancing,
Feeding off attention,

Pretentiously hugging and calming,
Trying to sooth me with your lies,
Never mind me breaking,
Step on me some more,
Pain clawing strengthening my core,

Strength gained,
Through pain you’ve given,
A phoenix has risen,
The sweet girl to rest I laid,
No longer the victim,
Pain’s slave.

feeling separated

* battling to pray*

Have you ever experienced a day when you simply feel separated from God?

When you have a heavy feeling and your troubles seem to burden you more than they usually do?

When the pain of being hurt, turmoil, sorrow just seems to heavy to carry?
You feel all the wrong feelings and have trouble smiling. You feel alone, forgotten, forsaken.

You kneel to pray but your heart is overlaid with worry. You don’t feel “connected”. Your words are hard to find. And everything is just to much?

There’s a guide to help us know what to do when we feel this way. When we doubt our faith and we can’t seem to pray.

*psalm* 46: 10 *
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

*Joshua* 1:5 *
“no man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses; so I will be with you. I will not forsake you.

I’ve had days where my pain and burdens has been to much where I think “Lord I can’t do this. Its to heavy to carry”.

be still and know that I AM GOD!

A simple answer a guide. When we feel heavy Jesus wants us to meditate in prayer, to be silent, to listen to His voice. He wants to calm us.

Thus when we feel we can’t pray we battle, we feel separated from Him.

We need to be silent and remind ourselves.

“be still and know that I am God”

-Referring to my piece on depression-
Jesus can relate when we feel “heavy” when we feel lost, broken, forgotten…..

What a wonderful God we serve!

So today 🙂 if you feel heavy, burdened, lost,…..

Silence your heart,
Close your eyes,
Pour out your heart,
Jesus wants you to cry on His shoulder,

He wants to remind you how much He loves you!

No matter how heavy our burdens get,
He will help us carry them!
He will never forsake us

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when the sky smiles

When the sky smiles,

As we drive on by,
I watch the morning sky,
Yellow, pink and orange,
Almost as if life has no bondage,

Birds fly and flock together,
The sky coloring grey feather,
Clouds humming mornings lullaby,
As the sun wakes up his little friends who fly,

Gloomy dull I feel no more,
As the sky lights up in colors galore,
My eyes move and shocked at a sight,
A huge smile and wink in flight,

Feathered friends transformed our morning sky,
And made me smile as we drove on by,

Always will I look and remember why,
I felt so deep and smiling sigh,
Her warmly painted,
Morning sky,

When the sky smiles.

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