the worried heart

The truth about love

This is not a song,
Nor a poem,
Its a confession,
Confession of love,
Love thus has
Spoken me for,

Painfully my insides,
Turn, turn as
My worried
Heart,
Cries,
What if his
Love for me
Did depart,

What if
Once again,
I would be
The one
Crying,

What if he
Awoke one day,
And no longer
Had use for me,

What if
Another,
Tried to pull
Us asunder,

What if my
deeply, suffering love,
Just wasn’t
Enough,
And once again
I’m left alone,

These thoughts,
These fears,
Lie deep,
deeply hovering,
In old wounds,

Death is
Not strong enough,
To put out
This flame burning,
Burning for you
For you,
My love,

My soul,
You’ve captured,
made me a slave,
A slave to
Your love,
Your attention,
Your smile,
Your happiness,

Those that
Find true love,
They say are
The lucky ones,
In this field,
Of grey,
My soul
Lies
No luck
In craving that
Which,

you lack
To give,
Wounded love,
Lies bleeding,
As my soul
Is screaming,
Do I have
Any meaning?

My soul,
You’ve captured,
made me a slave,
A slave to
Your love,
Your attention,
Your smile,
Your happiness,

Your true
Love,
Is all this
Heart seeks,
Needs,

Wounded love,
Lies bleeding,
As my soul
Is screaming,
Do I have
Any meaning?

Do I have
Any meaning?
Does my love
Have meaning?

What if he awakes,
And his heart,
His love,
Lies twisted,

Will I have
Any meaning?

This is not a song,
Nor a poem,
Its a confession,
Confession of love,
Love thus has
Spoken me for,

I’m spoken
for,
My soul
is taken,
My very
world
Is shaking,

You are the
One
I
Love.

Xxx

The words Canvas

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the worried heart

Moeder siel knielend

Here my siel kniel en my hart huil,
Die seer weet Niemand van,
U alleen sien,
U alleen weet,
My trane iNnerlik gekeer,
My hartseer toegesmeer,

siels gekniel,
smekend,
Pleitend,

Gee hierdie moeder
Asseblief krag,
Troos haar,
Here, gekniel
Huilend diep in
Geestes gebed,

Ruik my moeder
Hart uit,
Roep my hart,

Asseblief Jesus,
Hou my vas.

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the worried heart

Just a wifes thoughts

Lord as a wife
Have I failed to pray?
Have I failed to stand firm underneath my husbands arm,
Holding him up when he feels weak?
Have I failed to be a calming when he’s day has been stormy?
Have I failed to see he needs to be reminded how important he is to me when he doubts himself?

Lord as a wife have I wrongfully felt hurt when he only wanted to vent?
Lord as a wife have I been weak at times when I was suppose to be strong?
Dear Lord as a wife have I forgotten to lean on You instead of leaning on my own strength?

Lord make me a wife my husband needs,
Lord make me a mother to my children,
Lord make me a soothing river my husband can drink from,
Lord make me a strong praying wife,
Guide me Lord,
And heal my hurts,
Sooth my wounds,

Give me feet of steel,
So that I can stay strong underneath
His arm,
Lord give me wisdom,
And a ear that listens,

Lord please be the wife in me.

In Jesus name I pray
Amen.

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the worried heart

The Praying wife.

Through lace folds
Of love
Fought and
Won,
I look upon
Your pain
Stricken eyes,

Hands of ice
Grab my
Heart,
Worry we
Drift apart,
I fearfully
Tearfully
Fall on
My knees,

Plead to God
To seal our
Union,
Protect our
Love,
Fold us
Gently in
Grace gloves,

My love
Your
Anger outburst
Damaged my heart,
Crushed my faith,
Made me
Fall apart,

Strength only
Visible
Through a woman’s
Faith,
Running to
My Father’s
Arms,
Heavenly comfort
I’d find,

My love
For this
Man,
Greater than
Any other
Life,
His doubtful
Eyes,
Cutting like
A knife,

I pray
And I
Pray,
we always
Find a
Way,
Fight together
For yet
Another day,

Let no man
Put asunder,
That which
God has put
Together,
These knees
I shall
Bend,
Because
Through
A wifes
Faith,

Her husband
Will be lifted,
He will be
Stronger,
Will he be
The victor,

Will he
Feel,
Believe,
And
Trust,

In us,
And
In God,
Again.

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the worried heart

Please Daddy.

*child abuse*

Daddy got angry because I cried,
He shouted and send me to my room,
I cover my ears,
To shut out mommy’s screams,
I run and hide,

“I’m sorry I cried”
Sobbing I started to pray,
Please Lord help mommy,
Please Lord I’m really sorry,
Please Lord You have to hurry,

Deafening sounds of glass breaking,
My heart aching,
Please daddy!,
Please stop!,
Please don’t hurt my mommy,

I’ll be good I promise,
Please daddy,
Pleading I try to make him stop,
I fall and hit my head,
Daddy please stop, your hurting me,

I shut my eyes,
Bitter taste in my mouth,
Listening to mommy’s cries,
Please daddy, please stop,
My heart cries,

Silence falls,
Daddy left,
Thank you Lord for keeping mommy safe,
Don’t let daddy come back,
Onto darkness my happiness crept.

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the worried heart

Bloody cycle.

*IntergeneratioĀ­nal cycle of abuse*

Tiny frames of fear,
Running down your cheeks,
And I watch as your make up smear,

Life pushing you back to first gear,
Throwing your naked soul to the ground,
Flying like a spear,

Grinding teeth, blood splatters,
Dream bubbles popping,
All that’s beautiful shatters,
Demonic anger in his eyes,
Not hearing your painfull cries,

Pushing, shoving, his anger loving,
This war I come home to,
Pushing, shoving, shouting,
Blood splatters, watching mom suffer,

Anger, frustration, pain,
Filling my soul in this war,
We have nothing to gain,
Everyday broken promises,
Always the same,

Sitting in my room,
My world spinning,
The same old feeling of gloom,

Pushing, shoving,
listening to mom’s angry-painfull screams,
Frustration. Building,
Wishing I could end it all,
Just end this aching, weak feeling,

Tiny frames of fear,
Running down your cheeks,
And I watch as your make up smear,

All this happening all over again,
This must be some dark dream,
Hearing myself scream,
Blood splatters, grinding teeth,

And my children watch,
As their mother bleed.

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the worried heart

She’s got her running shoes on

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Have you ever heard the saying “when a woman has her running shoes on she’s always going to keep running”?

šŸ˜¦ sadly this has been a term we’ve all been all to familiar with. Which we have experience in. Honestly until recently I didn’t really understand why.

We all experience pain through our lives. We are faced with pain sometimes so unbearable you want to hide inside yourself.

Loosing a lot and being rejected and hurt. You tend to clam up and build walls not everyone can get through.

Then…..
You meet someone you instantly want to belong to.
You find yourself wanting to heal, wanting what you see around you each day.
You wish……

You place your heart on a platter exposing that which you so much want to protect.

Protect from being crushed…..
Stepped on….
Lied to…..

You place your faith in someone who is only human….
Someone with faults as we all have…
Someone who is also hurting….
Who is also worried…..
Whom also has walls build so high it takes time to climb over….

Two broken individuals trying to move on, trying to mend that which has been broken….

You as a woman who’s been hurt..
Feel so weak..you feel needy…
You feel silly….you are constantly reminded that you don’t have a guarantee he won’t stop wanting you,
Won’t stop needing you,,,,

Your insecurities take over and you see him pulling away,, you feel his silence,, see his deep thoughts,,,
Watch him giving lesser and lesser of himself….
See him not saying what’s on his mind…
Watch him as you get the feeling he needs space?…..
And..
It hurts..
Again…..

That’s when you start to ache for what you had in the beginning. When his eyes smiled as he looked at you…
When he shared a moment with you..
When you felt connected to him…
Now all you feel is alone,,,,,

Then at some moment the strain that has been building up in your relationship explode…
And you fight..
You say things that should never have been said….

And you reach deep down in your soul to that part of you that you thought you buried,,you reach out to that strong,cold woman who took control when you felt so damn weak!….

And she hands you the “running” shoes…

You run…
You leave…
Running from the one thing you so much wanted…
You clam up and close yourself -no one gets through- no one…..

This a result of being hurt and lied to so many times…
Not an excuse I know..
But….

What that womans eyes see is this..
He needs space,,,he doesn’t want me around…I’m in his way….
He is only being polite that cold politeness you give to people you tolerate out of kindness….
The one thing the woman in his life shouldn’t get,,,he’s polite kindness,,,
He’s neighborly conversations,,,,

You are the one who shares his bed shouldn’t you be the one who receives his best? His love..
His attention…
His honesty,,,

Why then does he make you feel as though he wants you to run again just so that he can miss you all over again?

Marriage isn’t a game,,its not a sometime,,when I’m bored time..

Its a promise you made before God.
To cherish,love and protect each other.

When somethings get in the way and we feel distance between our partners and ourselves,,,

We shouldn’t assume,
We shouldn’t guess,
We should talk,
Reach out,
Speak up,

Putting on our running shoes because were scared just isn’t the answer..

We don’t gain anything from it but pain…

We should try and listen to each other.
Love is a everlasting promise of friendship….

Mistakes are to be made..
Were only human….

Forgiveness is the key

putting away the running shoes
Being brave….
Being strong…
Love your man…

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